My Lover's Gone
by KehRawwr
Summary: After graduation Blaine was given a choice by his Father - he could either do as his Father asked or he could follow his own dreams, provided he first serve five years in the Armed Forces to maintain the family's repute. Kurt will always support Blaine, and though the distance between them may be great, he believes the two shall always be together. Klaine Future!fic. Oneshot.


Kurt doesn't remember when he started collecting messages for Blaine. He wrote to him, every day conscientiously, and dated each envelope so that when Blaine returned he could know every part of Kurt's life without him. In each envelope he'd put little post-it-notes of groceries or reminders that had been taped to the fridge or receipts from that day; anything he could find that would help to tell his whole story, he included.

Blaine's Father had given him a choice after he'd graduated from Dalton, continue the family convention and become a lawyer, as he had been told to countless times, or serve in the armed forces for five years to maintain the family's repute, after which he could do as he wished with his Father's blessing.

Kurt had selfishly always wished his boyfriend had chosen the former option, but after fighting so hard to follow his own dreams, he could hardly object to Blaine following his – even if that meant the two had to be apart for such a long time.

Blaine had chosen the Navy because he had wanted the clear air and the space. He'd wanted to feel the movement of the ocean beneath his feet and to see the expanse of blues and greys and greens surrounding him. Whenever Blaine was caught staring into Kurt's aquatic eyes, he'd state that he would be happy to drown in them. The day before he left, he told Kurt that his eyes were the reason he chose the Navy – that if the need to see his boyfriend became too great, he would just watch the ocean and let it calm him as best it could. The colours in Kurt's eyes were a little bit of home that could follow him wherever he went.

Both boys had to fight to hold their tears back as Blaine left, which should have been surprising considering how much the two had cried the night before. Both had feared that they wouldn't be able to sustain their relationship when they were so far apart, though neither of them voiced this concern. Opportunities to see each other were few and far between, but emails could be exchanged regularly. Even video calls weren't too difficult, and after the first – which was two months after Blaine had left – Kurt had started taking photographs of himself everyday and including them in his envelopes, as Blaine had commented during the call that Kurt had changed slightly. Kurt didn't want Blaine to miss a thing, and that included his bad-hair days.

As the months went by, the emails became paradoxically more frequent and longer as both men had more to talk about. The general theory that the longer you go without seeing someone, the less you have to say to them did not apply to their relationship. The two would love each other through thick and thin, and the separation only proved to fuel their passion.

Blaine's emails became increasingly enthusiastic, introducing every new friend he made and inside joke they shared, every training drill and even what he thought of the food. He omitted no detail of his day and Kurt would wake up early or go to bed excruciatingly late – regardless of the effect it had on his skin – just to read the new messages from his boyfriend.

Kurt mirrored Blaine's thorough documentation in his emails, but he still continued to collect little fragments of his day for his envelopes because he felt that Blaine deserved physical evidence, and because he felt better when he could channel every emotion he had for Blaine into doing something for him.

It was after Blaine's third year of service that the boyfriend status was elevated to that of a fiancé. Blaine _had _wanted to wait so that it could be perfect; wait so that Kurt wouldn't have to feel tied down to him while he was away. Despite growing into a man even stronger and more confident than he had been as a teenager, Blaine still retained an endearing tendency to doubt if he still deserved Kurt.

Blaine gave Kurt a simple ring, one that would go with any outfit and though Kurt had never been measured for the right ring size, the one Blaine gave him fit perfectly. Blaine claimed that years of intertwining their fingers had created a touch memory for him which made it easy to choose the size, but Kurt wasn't as idealistically romantic as Blaine, choosing to believe instead in coincidence. Nice coincidence though.

On the inside of the ring, Blaine had a short message engraved.

_I love you now, forever and always, in this life and the next._

It was cheesy and clichéd and more perfectly Blaine than anything else could ever be. Kurt spent so long gazing dreamily at it that his handwriting soon began to look almost identical to the font used on the ring. Kurt supposed that that was cheesy and clichéd too, but for once it didn't matter.

Somehow they had managed to fit in a visit to everyone, parents, brothers and friends in the few short weeks that Blaine had off, and with each person they broke the news to the elation grew. Even Blaine's parents were overjoyed at the couple's happiness.

The last night they had together before Blaine left this time was filled with talk of their wedding and honeymoon – Blaine wanted to take Kurt to a small port that he had visited on his first tour of duty. They talked about their life together, and their house and, eventually, their family. Not a tear was shed, in contrast to the first time the two parted.

The year passed without a hitch. Kurt – after having deferred his entry to college by one year so that he could be with Blaine for a little while extra before he left and help his Father's shop out – finally graduated from college. Kurt sent Blaine an email including a video of the ceremony and a message telling him to come home as soon as possible, and once his year's duty was up, he did.

This time the time that Blaine was home was spent planning their wedding. They obviously couldn't get married in a church, which Kurt was thankful for because he really didn't want to be force fed some tripe about God watching over them during _his _wedding ceremony, but they still wanted to have it somewhere special.

They chose, in the end, the small, quiet park in Westerville that the two had gone on their first official date in. They would get married under the circular gazebo they'd sat in to have a picnic Blaine had made, all those years ago, and the guests would sit all around them. Though it was traditional to have the guests facing one way and the rows creating an aisle, Kurt wanted them to literally be surrounded by family and friends on their big day. Besides, nothing about this wedding was particularly traditional, they were two men getting married after all.

The date for the wedding was set before Blaine left for his fifth and final year of service. The two would be wed on the fourteenth of August – Kurt's Mother's birthday. This way, Kurt felt like she too could be in attendance. These days were the happiest of his life, but in them he found himself missing his Mother more than ever before.

The night before Blaine left this year was spent just as happily as the last. The two were becoming better at the separation, because they both knew with growing certainty that they would be together again. The years of practice had taught them that much.

The emails exchanged between the two had an entirely different mood this year. Though Kurt was still writing letters to Blaine and storing them away for him to read in the future – he'd decided they would be part of his wedding present to Blaine – neither of the boys wrote ridiculous amounts of detail in their emails anymore. The emails were still extensive, they just took on a different tone – a more serious, sincere one that the two had acquired as they matured through the years.

Blaine's emails were full of his crewmate's reactions to being invited to the wedding, and his worries that he would lose contact with some of them after he left at the end of the year. Kurt's emails contained designs for the wedding invites or seating arrangements, as well as details about Kurt's new job and the role he'd got – albeit a small one – in an upcoming theatre performance. Though the emails had become more manageable lengths, they were still sent and received once each day.

Until April the twenty-seventh.

Kurt went the remainder of the month without hearing a word out of his fiancé. On the second of May he received a message – this one through the post.

Blaine and his crewmates had been partaking in a simple sail-boat exercise when the weather had suddenly changed. Some of the rigging became damaged under the sudden assault of the wind and the sail had become uncontrollable. As the boat capsized, most of the crew had been able to swim to the safety of the nearby life boat. _Most _of the crew, however, was not all of the crew.

Some of the damaged rigging had come loose and had become tangled in the cords on Blaine's life jacket. As the boat had capsized, Blaine had been pulled under by the upset of the vessel and had been unable to untangle himself. By the time someone was sent in after him it was too late.

Blaine had drowned in the hues of Kurt's eyes.

By this time Kurt had documented one-thousand six-hundred and thirty-eight days of his life without Blaine. He'd just finished sealing the latest envelope, which contained the final design for their wedding invitation and Kurt's self-written vows when the message was delivered.

Blaine's crewmates emailed him, all of the messages he received were apologies and sympathies and all were empty to him. One – in attempt to lessen his grief – said that drowning was a peaceful way to go, that Blaine would've been free to think about anything he wanted to, which was almost certainly Kurt, in his last moments.

After receiving this message, Kurt tried drowning in the bathtub. He wasn't suicidal really, or maybe he was, he just needed some peace from the constant pain he was feeling. Kurt managed a feeble half a breath of tepid water before he spluttered painfully to the surface, grasping at his throat. It was _not _peaceful in the slightest.

After that, Kurt's days were once again filled with planning, just as they had been before, though this time instead of it being for a celebration of a beginning, it was for a commemoration of an end.

Blaine's father gave Kurt his Son's dog-tags and Kurt wore them consistently, regardless of outfit or occasion. He let the chain hang on the loosest setting so that they were a little bit closer to his heart.

He wore a pink tie to the funeral; it was Blaine's favourite out of Kurt's entire wardrobe. To be brutally honest just looking at it made him feel sick but he wore it anyway, for Blaine.

Blaine's parents had wanted the service to be in a church, but Kurt wouldn't let his planning go to waste. Blaine's funeral took place in the quiet park in Westerville that the boys had had their first date in. Blaine's casket was displayed in the round gazebo they'd eaten a picnic in, and planned to get married in, and all of his family and friends sat around him in a circle.

As the service drew to an end, Kurt felt numb. He had one final thing that he wanted to give Blaine. He had never been able to give the letters to him, not properly, and they were being cremated with him. Instead, Kurt sang for Blaine.

_My lover's gone; his boots no longer by my door.  
He left at dawn, and as I slept I felt him go.  
Returns no more, I will not watch the ocean.  
My lover's gone; no earthly ships will ever bring him home again.  
Bring him home again._

_My lover's gone; I know that kiss will be my last._  
_No more his song, the tune upon his lips has past._  
_I sing along, while I watch the ocean._  
_My lover's gone; no earthly ships will ever bring him home again._  
_Bring him home again._

Kurt's voice broke on the last line, and though he willed himself not to, he had to cry. He fought to try and regain some form of composure, because he had to finish this song for Blaine. He'd never been able to give him the letters, so he _had _to be able to give him one last song.

Kurt wasn't able to finish the song.

Instead all of the members of both the New Directions and the Warblers rose from their seats and began singing. They finished the song for Blaine as Kurt crumbled to the floor.

_My lover's gone, his boots no longer by my door.  
He left at dawn, and as I slept I felt him go.  
Returns no more, I will not watch the ocean.  
My lover's gone; no earthly ships will ever bring him home again.  
Bring him home again._

He didn't hear the end of the song; he wasn't even sure if he was still breathing. He didn't move back to his seat once the song was over because he _couldn't_. He couldn't move from this moment, because each step was a step further away from Blaine; a step further away from their life together and their dreams, and with each step, Kurt knew the chances of him ever being whole again diminished.

Eventually Mercedes helped Kurt up and drove him to the wake. Though she was Kurt's best friend, he willed himself to ignore her because all she could offer right now were small condolences and messages to God. She spoke of him being in a better place and waiting for Kurt to join him; she said that one day, they could be together again, in God's heaven.

Kurt doesn't believe, that in a world cruel enough to take his love from him, there will ever be a deity kind enough to reunite the two. He doesn't believe in the afterlife or in reincarnation. Which is a pity, because the one thing he does believe in is engraved inside the ring he will never stop wearing.

_I love you now, forever and always, in this life and the next._

* * *

_Author's note:_

_Sorry, pessimistic author is being pessimistic._  
_(I don't like happy endings to love stories...)_

_**The song I used was: My Lover's Gone – Dido**_

_I'd recommend listening to it as it really sets the mood for the fic. Pretty much my whole inspiration came from the music and lyrics to this song. It's a really beautiful song. Also, the song is really easy to imagine in Kurt's voice if you listen to it._


End file.
